For those that remember my blog “divorcesexanddating.com”- I still am not over the fact that I deleted 30 some odd stories of terrible dating woes.
That was really stupid, considering I want to write a book. I go through this ritualistic shit when I move on to different phases of my life. Like during break ups… I will burn everything that was ever given to me that I had saved, like cards or letters or pictures. I will delete your number, block you, and forget you ever existed. For real. Every time.
I just hate that I did that, with that blog. That blog was fucking awesome. I had thousands and thousands of page views and followers. So stupid.
The good thing is, I have two best friends that have memories like elephants.
I can start again.
I love being married. I always wanted to be married. I wanted to be married to somebody who I was in love with, that also loved me.
I loved being in a relationship. I loved having a boyfriend. I loved being in an “exclusive” relationship. I hated casual sex. It was really heartbreaking for me. I had a very hard time separating myself emotionally once I had sex with somebody. It is just such a massive personal experience for me, I find it hard to understand how men can do it and feel no emotion at all.
Like kissing for instance. Or holding hands. Those are two majorly personal things for me in which I feel you’re connecting through your lips or your fingers, right to your heart. Boy was I fucking wrong, many, many, many, times.
Before I met my current husband, I was completely fucking broken.
Before I met my first husband, I was completely fucking broken.
I may look beautiful from the outside, but I’m extremely insecure on the inside, and I think that is no doubt the reason why I had such a hard time finding love. I know it’s the reason why. Looking back, I know a lot of these failed relationships were my fault. I know I became too possessive, too jealous, too clingy. Regardless of how hot I was, it was too much for many men.
I was too much for many men.
In my 20s I had a banging body, and I dated, (and I say that term loosely, more like slept with)… some of the hottest guys you have ever seen. Not one of them wanted to date me exclusively… except my first fiancé, Chris. Not my second fiancé (the male exotic dancer) Chris, my first fiancé Chris (the stock broker).
I started a blog about him earlier. Chris was super fucking hot, but he was also an alcoholic, divorced, and had a daughter. He ended up dumping me before we got married which was crushing to me. I was 23 years old when I moved to Chicago to start my life over and this is where I will begin a series of sorts, on dating… pre-marriage and post marriage. Advice you may need or stories that may entertain.
This is going to be a wild ride! I suggest you subscribe to my blog. I’m not going to post that shit on Facebook. I may have passwords on some that are just too intense.
So just hit that button, you lazy fuckers. I say that with love. SUBSCRIBE via email please.