Worried

A little blog tonight. So much on my mind but I’m not really sure what I want to talk about. It’s 10:37 PM and I need to go to bed. I have a big day tomorrow. Micah’s stomach hurts and he thinks it’s gas. Of course I think it something serious. It’s a pain that’s not going away and of course I think it is related to his surgery. Being in love with someone, it’s like having a child. You hurt when they hurt. I am worried about him.

Micah is a guy. Unless he is on his deathbed he won’t go to the doctor. He has had so many physical symptoms, I can’t even name them all and it started well before his surgery. I don’t know if it is related to the filter or if it’s just other aches and pains and it might be something serious.

Having had cancer I think everybody has cancer. You think everybody’s illness is something more serious that needs to be treated. My girlfriend had a lymph node in her neck that I could see through her skin and I scared her enough to get it checked out. That was probably insensitive of me but it is only being cautious as a friend.

Today everybody has been affected with cancer in one way shape or form. Whether it is a friend, family member, a coworker, or a story you’ve read about online. It is real shit and it is very scary.

I just hope those people that do have dignified health insurance get annual check ups. Please don’t wait until it’s too late to get checked for something.

For some people it started as a chest cold and has turned into lung cancer. To some what was menstrual cramps turned into ovarian cancer.

Those lumps and bumps could be nothing but for a $20 co-pay just get it checked out.

Anyway that’s it for tonight just lots of love and hugs to my muffin. I am getting into a bed next to a pile of clean unfolded clothes. I’m too tired to fold them tonight and put them away. Kids socks, my bath robe, kitchen towels, random things in the laundry. Whatever. Fuck it.

Muffin and I rarely sleep together during the week because of my anxiety coupled with his snoring, neither one of us get much rest. I am lightly folding things and moving it over to his side of the bed, as I say a prayer that God blesses me with some peace so I can sleep until morning.

I wish this pile of clothes was he instead.

Oh well. On to tomorrow and an important business lunch and who knows what else holds for me. Muffin is driving to New Mexico and will be gone until Wednesday. So it’s just me and my thoughts, my dog and my cat. Goodnight universe.

Back to drinking another gallon of fucking water tomorrow. Awesome.

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Author: jtreska

My name is Julie Treska. I am a 39 year old maniac, mother of 2, step-mother of 2, and wife, to one amazing husband, Micah. I am a sister, a friend, an acquaintance, a colleague, a neighbor... possibly an enemy, a threat, an ex, but one thing I am known for is being 100% real. This is one more of many blogs I've written in my life. Maybe one that I'll keep. It's going to be one giant cluster fuck, of what makes me, me. I am a divorcee', a parent, a woman, a cancer survivor, a divorce survivor, a survivor of many, many things. I am a cook, a writer, a motivational speaker, a pain in the ass, and an inspiration. I am career driven and successful. I am a one percenter, but run out of money every two weeks. I am funny, I am honest, I am raw, and unapologetic. I hope I am able to relate to many, entertain some, and envy a few. I am a bad ass in most everything I do.

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