Divorce pt.3

Divorce is a nasty fucking vortex. I don’t even know what Vortex means but that sounded powerful. It’s a horrible, dark, ugly, nasty place. It is very unfortunate that now I’m nearing 40, I am seeing it all over the place. 

My 20s and 30s were full of hopeful friends, spring weddings, bridal showers, and selfies of love. For some reason it seems at my age range is where women and men alike, have just had ENOUGH, and they feel now is the time to split- so they can spend the next 20 years not completely miserable.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we had a crystal ball so we could avoid these hurtful times. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we actually listened to our friends or parents and married the right person for us? Or maybe it would be wonderful if we would have followed our instincts and not been so rushed to keep up with the Joneses, and get married and have a family with someone who was not meant for us. 

If you’re divorced or divorcing with children, it can literally be the hardest thing you’ve ever been through other than the death of a family member. 

I think it’s really wonderful how men wait to get married. They are so much smarter than us. We give them such a hard time for thinking with their heads and not their hearts, but it’s us women who think with their hearts that get us in this situation in the first place.

Maybe you’re the person that got completely snowed and had the most picture perfect romance turn sour for one reason or another. Whatever the reason, divorce absolutely sucks for anyone at anytime in their lives.

It’s interesting to me couples who hold onto each other because they’ve known each other since they were kids. Does the time invested necessarily mean you have the perfect marriage or married the right person? Just because you’ve known each other your entire lives mean you can never grow apart? Just because you’ve spent your best years together and maybe most of them miserable, you should carry on?

Could it possibly be that you never had a chance to experience life outside of that person and just do not know the joys that life really has to give? I’m sure it is easy to get lost in a marriage. I am big time on commitment. I understand.

I know that I have changed in so many ways over the course of my life. I had my drug days, my partying days, my professional days, my rich days, my poor days, and so many different phases of what makes me, me. I can’t possibly imagine the same person experiencing all of these things with me that would have been the right fit. 

I had different boyfriends at different times of my life, that were appropriate for those times. For those who have found that person to ride or die with you, God bless you, you are extremely lucky.

I had a boyfriend for my fat days, I had a boyfriend for my slut days, I had a boyfriend for my drug loser days, and I had a boyfriend for my settle down- I’m ready to have children now, days.

I can’t say that I look back at my life and regret it exactly. I am in a place right now where I feel that my husband and my marriage is absolutely perfect for where I am on this day and time and how I want to spend the rest of my life. I could not have appreciated him more, previously.

Back in the day in my player days, I would have destroyed his kindness and lovingness. I was not ready for a love like him before. 

The best part of divorcing is not necessarily finding your new perfect match. I can’t say that even happens for everyone. 

It’s the fucking freedom man!

It’s the day you get your divorce decree stamped by the judge, and you now have a rare however unfortunate, opportunity to do whatever you want, however you want, for the REST OF YOUR LIFE!!!

The day I regained my last name was one of the most empowering days of my life. This is the reason, I did not change it when I remarried. I am JULIE fucking TRESKA! Whatever that means, it me, it’s mine, it’s my identity and I will NEVER lose it again.

Chase your dreams, blast your music, drink mimosas by yourself in the morning. Date again, explore your sexuality, leave bite marks, and never look back. Unleash whatever you may have been suppressing and be your fucking self! 

BE YOUR FUCKING SELF! 

I am, and it feels fucking GREAT!!!! So for those contemplating, right in the middle, or who may be lonely… this is your moment! Get after that shit!

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Author: jtreska

My name is Julie Treska. I am a 39 year old maniac, mother of 2, step-mother of 2, and wife, to one amazing husband, Micah. I am a sister, a friend, an acquaintance, a colleague, a neighbor... possibly an enemy, a threat, an ex, but one thing I am known for is being 100% real. This is one more of many blogs I've written in my life. Maybe one that I'll keep. It's going to be one giant cluster fuck, of what makes me, me. I am a divorcee', a parent, a woman, a cancer survivor, a divorce survivor, a survivor of many, many things. I am a cook, a writer, a motivational speaker, a pain in the ass, and an inspiration. I am career driven and successful. I am a one percenter, but run out of money every two weeks. I am funny, I am honest, I am raw, and unapologetic. I hope I am able to relate to many, entertain some, and envy a few. I am a bad ass in most everything I do.

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