I recently saw a girlfriend on my Facebook talking about how she was aching for her children, because they were at their Dads house. My previous blog was about this. It is hands-down the worst part of being divorced, if you have children.
When I am missing my children, everything bad that I have never done starts to run through my mind. Every time I punished them, yelled at them, said something I shouldn’t have… I feel extremely guilty and worried they’re going to die and I will never have a chance to see them again and apologize. I’m sure I need some counseling. I imagine other mothers feel the same guilt when their children are away. It’s a very sad situation.
Because of the guilt I feel, I make sure that the time my children are with me, is amazing. I purposely try to outparent my ex-husband, so my children grow up loving and respecting me, like I did my own Dad. I have raised some pretty amazing children so far, with I being a pretty tough parent. I try however, to balance that out the best I can, with as much love and physical affection that I can muster.
If you are a scorned woman in any type of way, my suggestion to you is, to show your ex what an amazing life you can have without them. Revenge is not the best medicine. You must believe in karma and try your best to lead a peaceful life. Who cares what he thinks. Is revenge really that important? Does it really get you anywhere? If you can show your ex spouse that you are happy, healthy, and capable without them- that in itself strikes a nerve, (if that’s what you’re going for). Being hateful, threatening, resentful, crazy… get you absolutely nowhere and makes you look like a complete loser. You have to find some type of confidence in yourself and remember you are so much better than this.
It’s easier said than done.
My ex used to blow up my phone and ruffle my feathers almost every single day, because I was getting on without him. He would do anything he could to ruin the peace I had. In the beginning of my relationship with Micah, I actually refused to speak to him whatsoever and told him any correspondence about our children or anything whatsoever, needed to go to Micah. It was so majorly bad. Speaking with him made it hard to breathe, literally. My anxiety and anger were through the roof!
When I was dating and had a boyfriend (of sorts) for a short while, he would call or text me something derogatory or nasty or something that he knew would give me anxiety on our weekends together. It was quite horrible. I would obsess over it, all weekend long and it would pretty much ruin our time together. It’s no wonder I blew through 20 some odd dates.
There is no doubt I suffer from PTSD from our relationship. Almost 3 years later we are finally getting along, however every text that I get that pops up his name, even before I read it, I feel sick to my stomach. I’m not exaggerating I feel literally sick and my heart starts racing. Sometimes I will read it really fast and get upset and start shaking. Only to reread it and find out I was all wrong. It’s a pretty confusing condition. Anxiety that is. I’ve even had to apologize to him for misreading his texts.
I have learned it to slow down and re-read his messages now, even run them by my husband or my best friend. I have learned to take a breath before responding. He is finally changing and things have smoothed out with his life in such a way that things are actually peaceful between us.
For a while I was sleeping with one eye open, and now we are having a good run of over a month or so without having fought with one another. I think I am finally at a place where I can enjoy my time and my new life without him bothering me. It feels good.
Being the bigger person, the better person, the more peaceful person, the more accommodating person, feels a lot better than constantly being at war. When you are constantly at war with someone who will never break down, it can be an ongoing process and you’re just wasting your life away. Let it go. Let your children warm your heart and take your pain away.